Getting a human on the line

This one is the friendly side of phone AI. The system that picks up when you call your bank, your airline, the cable company, it's just there to handle the easy stuff. The problem is when your thing isn't easy and you can't get past it.

The old move was to mash zero until it gave up. That still works sometimes. But the newer AI lines actually listen, so most of the time you can just talk.

Companies change these phone systems constantly, so what gets you to a human keeps changing. I keep track of what's working and send it out.

Say it plainly

• "I want to speak to a person." Or "representative," or "agent." Say it clearly. Most of these systems are built to transfer you the moment you ask for that.
• If it loops you in circles, change the words. Try "this isn't working," or just go quiet. Some systems route you to a human after a few seconds of silence.
• Still stuck? Say "cancel my account." Companies send cancellations to a real person fast. You don't have to actually cancel anything once you're talking to them.

Don't argue with the bot and don't repeat yourself ten times. Say the magic phrase once, clearly, and let it route you.

That gets you a person today. When the phrases stop working, and they will, I'll send you the ones that do.